"I believe I was simply just surviving for a year."
Ex- Made In Chelsea star Ryan Libbey expected to handle the challenges of fatherhood.
However the actual experience rapidly became "very different" to his expectations.
Life-threatening health complications surrounding the birth resulted in his partner Louise hospitalised. All of a sudden he was pushed into becoming her primary caregiver in addition to taking care of their infant son Leo.
"I took on all the nights, every change… every walk. The job of both parents," Ryan shared.
Following eleven months he became exhausted. It was a talk with his parent, on a public seat, that made him realise he couldn't do it alone.
The straightforward words "You're not in a healthy space. You need assistance. In what way can I support you?" opened the door for Ryan to express himself truthfully, ask for help and regain his footing.
His experience is not uncommon, but seldom highlighted. Although people is now better used to addressing the stress on mums and about post-natal depression, less is said about the struggles dads encounter.
'It's not weak to seek assistance
Ryan believes his challenges are symptomatic of a wider failure to talk between men, who still hold onto negative ideas of manhood.
Men, he says, frequently believe they must be "the fortress that just takes the pounding and doesn't fall time and again."
"It isn't a sign of weakness to seek help. I was too slow to do that quick enough," he explains.
Clinical psychologist Dr Jill Domoney, a specialist focusing on mental health before and after childbirth, says men often don't want to accept they're finding things difficult.
They can think they are "not a legitimate person to be seeking help" - particularly in front of a mother and child - but she emphasises their mental state is equally important to the household.
Ryan's conversation with his dad offered him the chance to take a respite - taking a short trip away, away from the family home, to gain perspective.
He came to see he required a adjustment to focus on his and his partner's emotional states as well as the practical tasks of looking after a newborn.
When he shared with Louise, he saw he'd overlooked "what she needed" -physical connection and listening to her.
'Parenting yourself
That epiphany has changed how Ryan views parenthood.
He's now composing Leo letters each week about his experiences as a dad, which he aspires his son will look at as he matures.
Ryan hopes these will assist his son to better grasp the expression of emotional life and understand his decisions as a father.
The idea of "self-parenting" is something musician Professor Green - whose name is Stephen Manderson - has also strongly identified with since fathering his son Slimane, who is now four.
During his childhood Stephen lacked consistent male parenting. Despite having an "incredible" relationship with his dad, profound difficult experiences meant his father found it hard to cope and was "coming and going" of his life, affecting their relationship.
Stephen says suppressing emotions caused him to make "bad actions" when younger to modify how he was feeling, turning in alcohol and substances as a way out from the anguish.
"You gravitate to substances that aren't helpful," he says. "They may briefly alter how you are feeling, but they will eventually cause more harm."
Advice for Getting By as a New Father
- Open up to someone - if you feel under pressure, tell a friend, your partner or a professional how you're feeling. Doing so may to reduce the stress and make you feel less isolated.
- Remember your hobbies - make time for the activities that helped you to feel like you before becoming a parent. Examples include exercising, socialising or playing video games.
- Pay attention to the body - eating well, physical activity and when you can, resting, all are important in how your mind is coping.
- Meet other first-time fathers - hearing about their stories, the challenges, and also the joys, can help to normalise how you're feeling.
- Know that requesting help is not failure - taking care of your own well-being is the optimal method you can support your household.
When his father eventually died by suicide, Stephen expectedly struggled to accept the loss, having not spoken to him for years.
As a dad now, Stephen's committed not to "perpetuate the cycle" with his boy and instead provide the security and emotional guidance he lacked.
When his son starts to have a meltdown, for example, they try "shaking the feelings out" together - expressing the feelings in a healthy way.
Each of Ryan and Stephen explain they have become improved and more well-rounded men since they acknowledged their struggles, altered how they communicate, and figured out how to control themselves for their sons.
"I'm better… processing things and handling things," says Stephen.
"I wrote that in a message to Leo the other week," Ryan shares. "I said, at times I believe my purpose is to guide and direct you what to do, but actually, it's a exchange. I'm learning just as much as you are on this path."
